this is a painting i did last march.....
this is a real place, it both exists as you see it here and it does not......
last march the weather was so fine... we had hot weather for weeks then from out of nowhere we had snow.
i returned to my haunt with a camera...and snapped a few shots.
the experience i speak of in this post, changed me , forever...
i will never be the same. likewise this place i come to, " my temple"
changed as well.
in the process of painting, a ring or partial ring appeared in the painting....appeared because it called to be there... it does not exist in one reality but does in some hidden reality known subconsciously to me.
this is not, however, new, these rings show up in alot of my paintings...like old structure from another time. i have no idea what they are.
i struggle to tell this story, i told myself i'd be able to do it after a year.... that by then, i should have the right words...but i don't.
the experience described here is so faded.
not in memory, but in the colors i have to work with.... as i have said, there is no language.
thank you everyone for allowing me to try, tears of love, flow down my face for i love you with universal proportions, all of you.
as far as this story goes.....i have failed in the telling but i will not erase it. i've erased it too many times.
" i sow the seed of truth upon these waters "
.........................................
i was trying to capture
this pace by the lakes
where the mist
on early morning rise
can change your mind....
about what reality is...
this place i come to
to be with spirit....
to practice form.....
this place where
spirit came to me.
last march ....
sun and flowers
smelled of rain .
soft warm
steam rising up off
the asphalt, kind of morning
do you remember?
how warm it was?....
last spring?
how the air was thick with flowers
the scent was such
that it made you feel
that your tongue
liked the roof of your mouth
and if you swallowed you could taste
perfume.....?
this tale of touch
by spirits gift....
at times i can touch the edges
most of the time it whispers in poetry..
or inner symphony....
but i tell you now ......
i am still touched by satori.....
lost in enlightenment.
living as a receptacle for heavens love.....
universal receiver
plugged in
turned on
to something divine.
meant to know ...
how much...
how long,
forever is ...
blinding climax of knowledge,
understanding the axioms of universal movement...
called infinity....
and this ...
love....
i began as always....
by singing.... i sing to ground myself.....
so that i can practice moving chi....
“ i am a clear vessel ....
i am an open channel for spirit....
i am the earth
i am the rain
i am the sun
i am the air......”
repeat, repeat, until i feel clear.....
i began ....
breathing.....
to breathe....
embracing moon....
slant fly,
parts horses mane...
and so on....
pushing and pulling chi.
looking beyond the mist rising off the lake
into the forever of what my eyes know...
now i am flowing in the zone.....
the day disappears
or so it seems....
as there are large stars now ....
coming close singing and sighing...
i hear nothing but a
wash of voice that carried no language
infusing me with understanding of...
perfect love....
taking me to unknown places.
language fails .....
to describe the bellygasimic state i became...
love .....all love.......
shuddering LOVE....
the love of one
the one who is all....
i am flesh
i suffer the flesh to feel
my flesh does suffer in this love...
this state of my flesh
was left clinging to the trees
in the brightness of two....
lamps of heaven....
they have not left my side
for a full year....
at times they appear to be two
friends from my childhood...
one drowned at 18,
the other died of cancer
shortly after.
both best friends of mine....lovers.
i ask them why they are with me...
they only gaze upon me with such love,
i forget my question...
i am blinded by this love .....
i feel it from source, pulsing through
the channel of my body flowing out to everything....
and more...
it is orgasmic....it is heaven.....
it is pain and pleasure in a sky dive thrill.
but.... i am flesh....
what i now understand of heaven is here
locked in my heart...
heart of heaven here.....
for a long time i thought they were here
because i was going to die....
then i thought someone near me was going to die...
but here i am , one year later, still here.
still flesh......
trying out heaven.....
loving you.....
